12:43 a.m., 12.01.04
Confused Loz.

I've just been on the phone to my Mum. We were discussing a work opportunity that's been offered to me - one that would mean I would go back to working full time.

I'm going to go for it.

I'm going to take the offer because I can learn more, grow more and make more money, as well as expanding my contacts wider and bolstering my CV. And yet moving forward in this way feels like a sort of failure in a way.

I guess because I've proven over the last 2 years that I can't do all those things by myself, running my own business. That is to say, I'm sure I *could,*, but I haven't.

Sloth sets in pretty quickly for me. And my Mum knows it too - she just said something to me that I think I'll want on my headstone:

"You live like a hippie. Worse than a hippie, because you're not even growing your own food."

That sounds mean. She didn't say it in a mean way.

Perhaps it'll serve as the epitaph for my little business instead. I'm feeling a bit fatalistic and ready for change at the moment. This offer (to be a Business Analyst, of all things - I don't even know what that is) fell in my lap pretty much the moment I opened my mind to the idea.

Onwards and upwards to the next stage, then. Awkward acceptance, salary and position negotiations commence at 10 in the morning.

This is such a good thing. Why do I feel so bad?

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