5:51 p.m., 09.08.04
babies, snow porking and bum-scooting

How do you know you're living in the right neighbourhood? When there's a stolen baby dropoff point right around the corner.

Yep, that crazy story that has had Melbourne's current affairs reporters slavering and drooling for the last couple of days came to an end when the two baby-burglars became tired of shaving the kid's head and lobbed it into a derelict house, oh, four good kicks of the footy from my front door.

Yay.

In other news, Nous and I went up to the snow for the weekend. Smashing day on Saturday, 2 and a half metres of snow and blue skies as far as the eye could see. Not that we took advantage of it, neither of us know how to ski and I was well and truly buggered from the 5 hour drive.

But we did happily get pissed with a few old school mates, including one I haven't seen for years. Late in the evening, I picked up his odd-looking mobile phone and looked at the photo album on it, which included a charming picture of his girlfriend's tit labelled "B's tit" and another called "my cock," which was very impressive even if it *was* only at half mast.

We tried to have a ski on Sunday, but in the absence of a better instructor than I, Nous quickly worked out that she was much more of a natural on her arse than her feet. So we ditched the skis and went rolling and bum-sliding down hills instead.

Then we climbed up to the top of quite a steep part of the dividing range, to a plateau where we could see the entire Mount Hotham vilage laid out before us. Quite spectacular. Taking advantage of the solitude, I dragged her over to a less exposed spot among some trees and had her take me in her mouth.

I've always had a bit of a thing for Nordic porn - that whole warm-body-in-the-cold-snow thing, and it was an absolute pleasure living it out. I fucked her hard from behind, snowflakes landing and melting on our skin. "There's one more exotic location off the list," she said, but frankly, I enjoyed it more than enough to leave it on.

I also got a chance to see my god-daughter on the way up there, which was lovely. She's so cuuute! Figuring that crawling is just *so* last season, she has developed a technique her dad calls "bum-scooting" which involves sitting on her arse and bouncing along like one of those whacko Natural Law party guys with their yogic flying.

Do you remember them? They were the political party that claimed to be able to solve all the world's problems by bouncing around on their arses. Not exactly a great departure from traditional politics, I suppose, but genuinely hilarious to watch. Sitting in the lotus position with vacant grins on their faces, they spring themselves up on their knees and bum-hop through the air, banging into walls, spectators and each other as they achieve spiritual ecstasy.

Now *that,* my friends, is politics.

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