4:37 p.m., 27.05.04
Disaster Magnets

It's been a big week for injuries in my family. We've been disaster magnets. Here's a quick synposis:

1) My dad was coming down the stairs while visiting a friend. He slipped on some moss and rolled his ankle. Mum brought him round to my place on their way home, and I can honestly say I've *never* seen an ankle rolled like *that* before. He went over so hard that the knobbly bit on the side bashed on the ground and he lost a whole lot of skin. His ankle was swollen to the size of a softball.

So now he's wandering around in a super cyborg ankle brace that controls the degree of flexibility it gives him. 6 to 8 weeks.

2) On Monday, I was doing my usual cycle through the city down Spencer street on the way to work. It's a bit of a commando affair at the best of times, as there's not really a bike lane and there's heaps of traffic to watch out for.

So some wally pokes his nose out into traffic with a truck blocking his view. I can't stop in time. Whack! I hit him with the front wheel and did the big dive-roll over his bonnet and onto the road on the other side. Somehow, although the bike and his bonnet were comprehensively remodelled (at 110kg, I'm not an insubstantial man to have crashing over your bonnet), I didn't suffer so much as a scratch or bruise. Although I later discovered a small bruise on the apple I had in my backpack.

The guy in the car was shitting himself even more than I was. He drove me back home, and I took some glee in sitting in his expensive leather seats and smelling like a barnyard. Nice guy. Bike cost me $180 to fix, but his bonnet looked like a stomped chocolate wrapper.

3) Poor old Mum was coming home late last night on the train. She forgot her phone, so Dad was driving back and forth between train stations waiting to pick her up. She missed him by complete fluke, and ended up walking home in the cold and wet.

While she was crossing over the Princess Highway (with the little green man's full approval), some goon of a woman turned right without looking and basically cleaned mum up. She was collected by the side of the car, and it threw her backwards onto her arse in a big puddle of freezing water, and her head hit the gutter pretty hard.

So we ended up in hospital with her last night while she had neuro tests and spinal xrays checking for coccyx damage. The bump on her head from hitting the ground was probably 20cm in diameter. Thank god there was no serious damage and she was in pretty good spirits. Watching her and dad hobble out of the emergency ward was hilarious, him with his leg brace, her with head bandages and walking like she'd just finished a gangabng scene with the... Waaaaaait a minute, you can't make those gags about your own mum. That's not on.

Anyway, we're all in once piece and good spirits, so let's hope that's the end of our little run of luck. I've already got in touch with my brothers and told them to watch the fuck out for the next few days.

And I'm touching all the wood I can. I fact, I had an extended touch of my own wood this morning, which was nice.

Dutchy, over and out.

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