2:00 p.m., 05.12.03
The Dive (buck's turn from hell)

Well Jeeeeeeesus.

Yesterday couldn't have worked out any better. It was just fantastic.

Sois proved completely unflappable in all ways but one - he nuded up without question, and stood there, tackle swinging, while his tandem master strapped him into his skydiving harness.

He sat bollock naked as we were all crammed into the plane, and he smiled for the video camera as his instructor rolled him out at 14,000 feet.

The dive itself was indescribably awesome. The rush of wind flying past my face at 200 km/h and the feeling of plunging through banks of clouds was incredible, as was the brilliant view. My cheeks bulged out with all the air being forced into them.

And the guys taking the video were just incredible. An hour after we touched down and bolted for the Barwon Heads Pub, the videos were ready to watch.

They came out so beautifully they could easily have been segments on Getaway or something. And the sight of Sois's tackle flapping about as he fell and slapping him on the arse will be burned into the memories of every bugger who watched it ten times over at the pub later that evening. It's flying back and forth so fast with speed wobbles that you can almost hear a hummingbird noise.

The clincher comes when the tandem master pulls the ripcord - the jolt of the parachute opening yanks him upward, and you get to watch in sow motion as the poor bugger's cock swings out from belting him in the arse, stretches a good few inches on gravity, then flips up and whacks him in the belly.

It's pure fucking gold.

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