10:13 a.m., 20.11.03
Marketing gems from the battlefield.

I always thought marketing people in Australia were a pretty sensible bunch, not too easily swayed by stupid trends.

But the other day, I called up the council to get my hard garbage whisked away. I got put on hold, and they had one of those professionally recorded on-hold tapes playing:

Man: Welcome to the Melbourne Council (or something)

Woman: Excuse me, do you offer total integrated service solutions?

Man: Why, yes we do!

Are you fucking kidding? TOTAL INTEGRATED SERVICE SOLUTIONS? I bet they get people calling up asking them that all the time. I've been wondering myself whether my current service solution is totally integrated enough.

YOU FUCKING WANKERS! GET YER HANDS OFF IT!

And THEN, in the car with Nous, there was a radio ad on for Diana Ferrari, I think, which contained this marketing brainwave:

Complete dressing solutions for the modern woman.

Well, that's got me. It's not like going and buying some clothes is an impulse thing - oh no. I'm serious about my shit and I want a complete dressing solution.

I'm surprised they didn't squeeze "quality" or "synergy" in there to round out the empty management speak.

This, gentle readers, is what happens when a copywriter's stuff goes to a committee.

I hate committees. I wish they would all go and get totally integrated.

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