4:20 p.m., 11.08.04
Competition: Best Rooting Injuries

My personal best sex injury story would have to be after a session of al fresco shagging on a bushwalking trail up in the Dandenongs. My ex and I were wandering along the trail and came into a clearing that had a tremendous view of Melbourne.

Something about the vista got us both feeling a bit frisky, so a knee-trembler was hastily negotiated.

My ex could only come when she was on top, so I got down on the ground to do the gentlemanly thing. I remember feeling a stinging pain in my back a few times but dismissing it as rocks on the ground or something.

When we were both done, I stood up and started getting my clothes back in order. Just in time to see a lone bushwalker about to round a corner and join us.

We ran off up the trail, me with my pants at half mast (my dick too, for that matter, poking out and bouncing along in front of me) and finally got back to the car, in fits of giggles.

It wasn't until I sat down in the car that I realised something was wrong. My back was as itchy as buggery and scratching it seemed pretty painful. I lifted my shirt and asked Jen to take a look.

Yup, we'd got down and dirty right on top of a bullant nest, and the little fuckers had come out and bit me right up and down my back and bum, including one infuriating bite right in between my arse cheeks. Each bite had swollen up already to about a centimetre diamerter around.

I think the worst thing was going straight from there to have dinner with her parents. Do you have any idea how much a bullant bite itches and stings? Multiply that by 10 when it's in a place you can't scratch because you're in polite company.

Jesus, it's making me itchy just thinking about it again.

Anyway, I'm interested. What's your best shagging injury? Pop it in the guestbook. Winner gets a short essay, poem or limerick written to their specifications when I can be stuffed.

Cheerio!

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