4:03 p.m., 30.04.04
Vulgar Things I'm Not (That) Proud Of

I'm drunk at work. Normally a fine state of affairs, but today I'm drunk and paranoid.

I'm paranoid because I've been absentmindedly googling for things like "indian sluts" and "latina double penetration," and now my browser's address bar is full of vulgar autocompletes. My boss just came around and asked me to go to a few web sites, and I had to type really fast so that I didn't hit "a" and get a cascading series of URLs that could clearly be about nothing but anal romping. It'd be hard to pass that off as research.

Incidentally, our office manager was helping out one of our clients with something the other day, and she closed a window on his machine to reveal a nice big screen full of hardcore tranny porn. He stammered around looking for excuses, but she said something like, "don't worry. I work with Dutchwink. I've seen it all."

That is SO not true! She's never busted me with so much as a nipple on my screen. And she *certainly* hasn't seen this, which is probably the most disgusting thing I've run across in my many years of web trawling. Please don't download it unless you're prepared to have everything you've heard about the Japanese confirmed in the most gut-wrenchingly horrid manner possible. On the other hand, go right ahead if you want to emerge as the victor in just about any "I saw something gross on the internet" conversation you might find yourself in.

Anyway, I'm feeling very edgy. I'm at somewhat of a lull in my productivity cycle. This is not good.

On a complete side note, this entry seems to be full enough of vulgarities for me to slip in a quick mention of the best text message I ever received, one to really be proud of and tell the grandkiddies about. Naturally, it was fom Nous. It reads as follows:

Honey, you fucked me so hard that I've woken up with maroon purple bruisy hand prints on my shoulders.